6 Tips on Being More Confident |
Ok, this is a pretty deep topic, but I think that’s what makes it so interesting!
As today is International Women’s Day, I thought it would be an opportune time to discuss and think about how as women, we can be more confident – in all aspects of our lives. This article is in very proud collaboration with Debenhams, a UK fashion, beauty & home brand that are looking to champion women and boost the confidence we show on the outside. Through helping us find the perfect foundation, to ensuring we’re wearing the correct sized lingerie (that last point really makes a difference!!)
Blazer - Buy here
Trousers - Buy here
Cream Jumper - Buy here
Lipstick - Buy here
Above Image (Left to Right): Lipstick 'Lovecraft', Little Mac Strobe Cream, Elizabeth Arden Mascara, Little Mac Fix +, Foundation
Debenhams has always had fond memories for me; it’s a store my whole family shopped in growing up. Most weekends my parents, grandparents and sometimes my cousins too would all take a trip to the store. If we were lucky, us kids would get to eat lunch in the café and pay a trip to the toy department.
It’s very much a one-stop-shop; a place where you can browse and buy men’s/women’s/children’s fashion, through to suitcases and dining sets – it really does offer the full package!
But what I think it’s become best known for in recent years is being the one place in the UK where we can buy US beauty brands, from Too Faced to Kat Von D. They also have an exclusive DD+ luxury lingerie collection called Gorgeous DD+. The SS18 line is arriving in-store and online from February, fronted by the beautiful Joann Van Den Herik (cousin to Gigi & Bella Hadid).
Above Image (Left to Right): White Chemise, Black & Nude bralette, Lipstick, Face Cream, Foundation, Makeup setting spray
I can’t help but feel that certain pockets of society still seem to associate confidence in women either to sex, or to a sense of unladylike cockiness.
Whereas, for a man to be confident is about success, drive, charisma, popularity.
Above Image (Right to Left): Mascara mini, Makeup remover wipes, Illuminating face cream, Makeup setting spray
Are we as women preconditioned to play-down our confidence? If someone pays us a compliment – be that on how our hair is looking that day, through to the promotion we’ve just achieved…. how many of us feel a little awkward and tend to reply with something that essentially puts ourselves down?
Confidence is such an important asset to have; it goes hand-in-hand with self-esteem and can also make you feel a great deal more assertive and driven to aim for what you want in life.
So how can you be confident when you don’t feel it?
I’m going to break this down into mind and body…….
Above Image (Left to Right): Eye palette, Lipstick in 'Lovecraft'
Feeling body confident: Being comfortable in your own skin is critical for feeling good and acting confidently. Wearing the right outfit and being well groomed can really lift your mood and make you feel determined and on your game.
If you’re looking for a boost, try upgrading your lingerie. It may sound strange – I mean, who is going to see it?! But nothing quite beats that feeling of brand new lingerie (that all matches and hasn’t yet been ruined by the washing machine!)
My favorites are this luxurious Reger by Janet Reger chemise and anything by Freya – their bras are comfortable, pretty and give great support. Shape wear is also excellent for making you feel good. I have a pair of Maidenform black leggings that I love wearing with boots and a blouse. They are both comfortable and make you feel ‘tight’!!
Fitness & Health: Exercise releases endorphins in the brain (AKA, the feel good chemical). Taking pride in your health and seeing the results in your body is a huge boost to confidence. It can also help you sleep better, which has a whole host of benefits – including better skin, faster cell turnover, metabolism and mental alertness.
Personal style & makeup: Makeup and fashion styling are BIG in the confidence game. Speaking for myself, I could be feeling terrible inside – but if my hair, makeup and outfit are all looking good, I can easily fake confidence that day.
Trying a new lipstick, changing your style of attire – even double-checking that your foundation is the right shade for you. All are great for boosting self-esteem.
Some years back, I wasn’t even sure what colour I was in foundation. I always felt a little awkward when I’d leave the house in the bright light of day, incase what I had on was completely wrong or I had the dreaded line on the neck where it meets your real skin colour. Getting colour matched is a really good idea and is something you can have done for free at any Debenhams store.
Above Image: Trousers, Cream jumper, Blazer jacket, Mirror/palette, Lipstick
Growing-up I was not at all confident, I was also very shy and quiet and I hated it. From being picked to read aloud in class, through to handling myself in the workplace during my first job – confidence supports us. When we are lacking in it, we feel it.
Visualisation & Method Acting: Weirdly, despite being shy and pretty awkward growing-up, I really enjoyed dancing and acting. I had an epiphany moment when I was about 12 years old:
- Why was it that my awkwardness went the minute I was on stage? -
It was because when on stage, I wasn’t me. I was playing a character and so hid behind the attributes of the role I was in.
This skill is one of the best and most used tactics I have adopted to this day. Try it – next time you are in a situation where you need to be confident and assertive, personify a strong character from a film you’ve seen. Behave in that situation the way your character would.
It may sound strange, but it’s been a really effective method for me over the years. It’s also pretty instant, which is great when you need to get yourself together quickly!
Meditation & Self-Esteem: Take a moment each day to meditate and really visualize yourself as the person you’d like to be in the various circumstances that might present themselves to you. There are some really good confidence-boosting motivation videos on YouTube that I HIGHLY recommend! Accepting, loving and respecting yourself is key, confidence grows from high self-esteem.
Helping others: Nothing boosts confidence more than helping others in need and seeing the benefit we can make to those we help.
You might be thinking “I’ve got a meeting tomorrow and I need confidence NOW, I don’t have time to help others!” But building confidence is a slow process. When we help others in times of need, it makes us and them feel good, which boosts confidence and encourages us to step-forward in future situations we think we can affect and add benefit to.
Blazer - Buy here
Trousers - Buy here
Cream Jumper - Buy here
Lipstick - Buy here
Do you have any tips for boosting confidence that works for you? Do you agree or disagree with how confidence in women may or may not be perceived by society?
Please share your thoughts and opinions below!
I am giving one of you the chance to win this Too Faced Chocolate Gold palette, which I know you will love - it smells amazing!
All you have to do to enter is leave me a comment below, it can be on your tips for gaining confidence or just your thoughts on the topic in general. I will pick 1 winner on Monday 12th March 2018 at 12 Midday GMT. The competition is open to all internationally. PLEASE NOTE: When you leave a comment below it won't show immediately as I need to approve it, so please only leave one comment - I will put it live, do not worry! Good luck x
*This blog post and associated images and video have been created in collaboration/sponsorship with Debenhams, to celebrate International Women’s Day 2018. I have not been scripted in terms of my views or recommendations. Makeup and lingerie were kindly gifted to me by Debenhams – to whom I am very grateful and have enjoyed working with on this!
This was a great read! You always looks so confident and just seem to have your life in order! I'm very happy for you and thankful to gather some insight of how I could become more confident. I was never the outgoing one...and in a rather cruel twist of fate I developed alopecia universalist in my early twenties and lost all my hair in 2 months. This has been a huge hit to my self image - basically I had to reinvent myself. I'm kind of torn of who I am - there's the girl with the wig and the one at home. Really hope to build myself up to somehow become one again and confident in my "both forms". Either way thank you for your article and all the best to you, Sophie!
Dear Sophia
I loved your motivational ideas so much that I forward to my son and Husband. Thank you for being so kind!!!
Hi Sophie,
Something that instantly makes me feel more confident is red lipstick.
I instantly feel better and more made up. I feel like makeup in general makes me feel better. I can have a cold and put on my makeup and I will almost trick my brain into feeling better.
I loved your video. Only just got chance to watch it!
7 weeks ago I gave birth to a beautiful baby girl and as much as I love her my confidence too a nose dive. My once flawless size 10 body had gained weight, became saggy and my tum covered in stretch marks. The first time I looked at myself in a full length mirror I cried.
But now instead of picking faults I pick strengths.
My body tells a story and the thing that boosts my confidence is simply moisturizing. I always feel good if my skin feels soft. As times gone on I have more time to put on my make-up again, albeit one handed and I told my girl in the other arm!
Keep up the motivational videos, if we can boost someone's confidence just a little bit each day we've made an achievement!
Hi Sophie, I really enjoyed your video and blog post, thanks for sharing the info with us.
My top tips when it comes to confidence is self care and doing what makes you feel good. When you feel good about yourself, you’ll feel instantly more confident.
Self care could be the form of wearing what you want, wether that’s dressing like a girl boss in your matching suit or rocking a unicorn onesie when you feel like it. Self care could also be exercising or pampering yourself. Self care could also be the form of investing in your education and knowledge by doing courses and taking classes.
Finally when I’m feeling like I need a confidence boost, I always enjoy following badass women on twitter and ready their stories. If they can do it then we can all do it too!!!
Hi Sophie and thanks for sharing your thoughts on this topic. A good piece of advice I've tried is that it is ok to bring your whole self to work. All the bits that make you who you are will help you perform at your highest level.
Hi Sophie,
I love your channel! I find you so inspirational.
When I feel down there a few things that I like to do:
1. Remember a great moment in my life when I felt amazing... Not just good, AMAZING. If I can remember how to feel down I can also remember how it feels to be the best me! And, trust me it feels great.
2. I take a cold shower. I know that might sound a bit extreme yet testing your limits is the best thing to feel good about yourself besides, cold showers give you an amazing skin ????
3. I put my favorite dress and pair of heels on, some good music playing in the background. Some make up to make me look radiant... And Voilà !
Xx
Hi Sophie I'm from India I've been following u for a while now! It's been amazing to watch ur vedios! Ur one line inspired me the MOST-"I wanted to be director by the time I was 27". That is the reason why ur so successful! I'm still a student and I learnt being tenacious from u! Anyway my tips on confidence would be to first be put together externally ! Good Hair and perfume have been my thing! Also meditation and chanting really helps if you want to be stable and have a good mental health! Also to never give a damn abt certain negative Ppl!!! Those who whine and bitch abt the others are doing this Cz they are beneath u anyway!
Hi Sophie. When I lack confidence, I think of the situation ahead and prepare/educate myself on what's coming. I think of the pros and cons and what steps needs to be taken for both. That way I m prepared and confident. I also talk to my mom who is such a confidence booster (as an Indian saying goes... To even a crow, its chick is the most beautiful).
Happy International Women’s Day!!! Kisses and hugs
When I lack in confidence....I usually speak out loud to my self......a bit like talking to a friend and I advice my self as if I was advising a friend....it’s something I never told anyone out of fear of being perceived as mentally unstable....but it certainly boosts my confidence and the way I see my self. I’ve been ‘caught’ by my partner a few times doing it....but I brushed it of as ‘singing a random song’...In public spaces I just do the same except the speaking out loud thing.
To me confidence means believeing in yourself. Trying your best to be percieved the way you want it.
I am trying very hard to gain confidence. It is not the easiest thing, but since i'm only 20 i think that with time i will overcome my shy nature and achieve my goal.
To me its very important to eat well, sleep enough and exercise. It gives me a special kind of satisfaction that im taking care of myself and my body, basically having my life in check makes me much more confident.
Another thing that gives me confidence is my education. Im studying to be a pharmacist and just the fact that one day i will be able to help people makes me really happy and i feel good in my skin.
Co sequently
What I do is (when I have time and I’m at home) to take a small nap! Because then your mind can relax and kinda reset in a way and on top you got some new energy!
Hi Sophie,
my tip would be to put your favourite perfume on. What always work for me is one of the most beautiful smell - YSL Black Opium Floral Shock and when I am wearing high heels because they make me appear more feminine and as Coco Chanel said: "A woman in a good shoes is never ugly" :)
Thank you for all your videos and blog posts! You are so inspiring ;)
Greating from Slovakia
I'm not the most beautiful, however, I find that when I work hard and make small achievements I somehow find confidence that I would otherwise lack. Taking the time to compliment others also helps to build my own confidence simultaneously with theirs. :)?
I put my high heels on and try to think confident but not cocky. Being happy and nice to others boost my confident.
When I lack confidence, first thing I would do is go to hairdresser, nothing makes me happier as a fresh cut and blow-out. Secondly I would invite my girlfriends over, after bottle of wine we are confident as f*ck???????? After giving birth I was 20 years old and belly looked like war zone???? so much tears, but right now I think how stupid I was to cry over that, my body totally rocks because it has made a whole new human!?? Women in every shape, size and colour are beautyful and women should encourage themselves and be confident!????
I like to listen to very energetic music so that it pumps me up to take the next steps in whatever I’m doing. If I may feel down because I am stuck on a particularly hard problem, I may want to just step away from it for a while. However, it is hard for me to come back to it, especially if it is very boring and time consuming. Therefore, I have a playlist of really uplifting dance music that makes me want to get up and be productive.
I completely agree with your advice and personal experience that Creating a different personify of another character can help your confidence. I used to try this a lot and found it helped. To be fair i lost myself in doing this and it is good to read your advice again. Thankyou for your inpiring advice.
Love your videos SO much Sophie!! I always save them for when I am having my morning or afternoon coffee so I can give them my full undivided attention...it feels like such a treat for me to watch, it's my "me" time to see what's up with fashion & beauty.
Regarding confidence...my best advice is to fake it until you make it. Everyone has started at the beginning and were less confident. But, if you "act" like you are confident it actually works and makes you feel more confident because other people will see you as confident and then as you gain experience / knowledge you will naturally BE confident. Practice makes perfect. Practice acting confident and you will become confident!
Love you Sophie, have a great week! XOXO
Hi Sophie,
Happy International Women's day to you too from beautiful Grenada!
Thank you very much for this post. I too utilise some of the tips you shared when I need to boost my comfidence. Great looking clean hair tops the list!
Two other things to try are listening to your favourite music and taking a walk outside.
Shurla
Hi Sophie,
Another great video from you. I've recently had a baby and have really enjoyed playing about with make up whilst my little one has a morning nap. I think your hair and make up has a huge impact on how you feel throughout the day. I always find that if I curl my hair, it gives me more confidence. Having said this, I can nip out the house quite happily without wearing make up, but I did buy a beautiful winter coat from Burberry last year for the winter season and I think that gives me a huge boost! A lot of women choose black/navy/grey for winter coats. I decided on khaki with a black fur trim and it really is a head turner. Next time you shop, take a bit more of a risk ladies!!!
Can't wait for the next vid xxx
Hi Sophie hope your well, I really enjoyed this video. My tips on boosting confidence would be the following-
1- download the motivation app what it does is depending on how many times a day you would like it send you motivational quotes. This may sound silly but I cannot explain how helpful these quotes can be when you need a pick me up.
2- exercises and eat well as you mentioned in your video.
3- look in the mirror and appreciate your quirks it doesn't happen instantly but Self apprecIation on a regular basis can really help
With confidence.
4. rec lipstick, a good pair of comfortable heels.
I feel like the thing that gives me the most confidence is to prepare very well. If I have a meeting where I have to brief my boss about an issue, or if I have to meet a difficult client, or deal with a grumpy colleague, I like to prepare for everything that could happen, sometimes even writing things down to remember it.
I loved the "acting" tip. I realized that I was doing that without even realizing!
Hi Sophie, I love your videos and I find your motivational videos so helpful! I agree with that greasy and messy hair really brings you down. On days that I have greasy hair, I feel really self-conscious and not confident when I'm with other people. So my tip is just to make sure you are clean and fresh so you're not feeling self-conscious with the way you look. Also the lingerie tip is not weird at all! To be honest, I actually do that too, whenever I experienced one of those "low" days, I choose the best lingerie because it makes me feel better and there for more confident. Thank you so much for your videos, I really enjoy watching them all!
I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks this about lingerie, I've always done that on down days and it really changes your mindset! Very true about hair too, especially when it goes all flat! Thank you for sharing sweetie xxx
I do my nails! If I can afford it I go and get them done, but having them done just makes me feel so much more put together!
Nails really make a difference Holly!x
Confidence tips
Having a shower every morning helps me feel fresh n confident that I look clean and fresh.
Wearing my favourite deodorant or perfume make me feel like a million bucks.
Wearing a smarter outfit than usual makes me feel like a base (boss) I feel in control and professional.
Its really weird but I am self conscious of my upper lip hair so i like to make sure i do it before leaving otherwise I feel it's worse than it looks.
I like to make prayer before I leave and leave my trust in god and let my day go on.
I love art so ill draw to get rid of anything thay bothers me.
I hope theese help as they help me.
Lov u Sophie btw have you bought any new bags? And what do you think of channels spring summer 18 season?
I would love to be added to the prize draw if that's ok.
And I hope u continue helping all the people who want to be their better selves by keeping up your amazing videos
Hi Ayesha, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts - perfume is a really good one.
I bought an Aspinal bag about a month agao, but no 'big' purchase this year so far! The Chanel SS18 collection is stunning, the pastel iridescent colours are very tempting xx
Great post, I love your tips!
Whenever I’m having a rubbish day these are the things I do: have a nice caramel latte for energy boost, play motivational speech on YouTube, go to the gym and spa, make a healthy lunch, do full makeup and hair, go out and buy myself some skincare/ accessories/SHOES <3 or makeup, take a few selfies(I know, I know), have a glass of wine at night in peace while having a bath... the next day I feel brand new again and ready to conquer the world in my new heels! Xx
I love your tips Diana, especially a glass of wine and the gym! Thank you for sharing xxx
Hi Sophie, love your videos! You are so inspiring to me!!!
When I want to feel confident I have my hair professionally blow dried. It is a splurge but it makes me feel great!
I really think hair is such a big part of feeling confident - even if you're in a casual outfit, having a fresh blowdry can really change your mood. Thank you for sharing Barbara!xx
Hi Sophie and Community !
I looooved the video and the Blogpost!
I think this is such an important topic thanks for bringing it up and sharing your ideas and advice!
My tip would be to go stand in front of a mirror and list all the things you are good at, all the things you love about yourself and all the things you want to accomplish and remind you of the reasons you need to be MORE confident x
Lovely post and video! I'd like to enter the competition for the palette. Here's a couple confidence boosting tips that I hope with help someone:
1. When you wake up (or anytime you're feeling a bit low), look into a mirror and tell yourself 3 things that are awesome about yourself. It can be your looks, something you've said or done, and it can be a small thing or a big thing. Also, you must say them out loud not just in your head. Then repeat it 3 times.
2. Make a pact with your friends to "big up" them on a regular basis. Things means giving each other meaningful compliments or acknowledging when they are (you are) being awesome. At first it seems forced, but that's just because women are socialized to not accept compliments or acknowledgments well and to bond over tearing ourselves down. After a while, you get used to doing this and it becomes natural. If you aren't feeling confident, tell your friends and they'll tell you why you're awesome.
3. Hang out with kids. Volunteer to help teach a class, or take your baby cousins or niece/nephew out for a bit. Do fun silly things with them. They'll have fun and think you're cool. It'll be contagious and you'll feel better.
4. Take a spa day. Not only will you be relaxed and pampered, but you can't help but feel beautiful after a trip to the spa. Treat yourself and tell yourself you deserve it.
5. Fake it til you make it. Dress well, eat well, do your hair and makeup well. Looking put together will help you feel more confident.
6. Do the Diana Ross glory stance. This works every time for me. You stand with your feet planted wide, one leg bent at the knee, arms up in the air so your body makes a kinda 'X' shape. Imagine there's a room of people applauding you and soak it in. It sounds silly but its fun and it really does work. I got the idea from watching a speech by Tracee Ellis Ross. It's a good speech, if you wanna watch it, it's here: https://thescene.com/watch/glamour/tracee-ellis-ross-is-living-for-herself. The timestamp for the Diana Ross stance is around 9:47.
Hi sophie, I am from the netherlands, I always watch you on you tube, you inspirer me, you lost a lot off weight, and now i am giving it a try, other people can be inspiring, i am a some what older than you, but I stil love make up and looking great, do you think that if you get older you should have youre hare short?
And i love the Too face Palette, is a little bit difficult to get it here, but gold looks great on everybody I think.
Wish you all the best and maby if you have time, you wil talk about getting older as a woman. Bye bye.
Hello lovely Hanny! Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts :) I have older women, younger women and men who join here - it's for EVERYONE, I thank you for being here!
I don't think you should cut your hair short as you get older, you should always do what YOU want and not what society suggests you should... In fact, I don't think we should do anything we don't want, simply because we feel it's expected of us! There are for sure pressures related to getting older, but I think the pressures to conform start at a really young age and never really leave us. They're annoying, I refuse to conform - haha!! Stay true to you lovely Hanny!xx
I always feel confident when I put on my face, wear jeans and a nice casual top and sweater, or jacket. Also I cannot wear heels of any kind because of my hip, but I do rock my vans. I just bought a cold shoulder pale peach top with lace and a long thin sweater to match and I found a pair of peach lace up vans and they are the same shade. My peach nail color and pale peach lipstick. And honey I am 58 years old and I am very confident in my look. Even wear my pearl earrings and strand of pearls.you have to try your best to feel confident in your on skin, no matter how old you are, or what you look like . Put them shoulders back and you are amazing, and a confident woman.
Janet!!! It's good to see you here - I hope you are having a great week!
I love your tips on matching your clothes and nails to your shoes. I wear Nike 'Thea' a lot of the time and I ended-up getting them in a few colour options because they are so good for everyday.
You raise an interesting point around age!
I see a lot of the women and men that join me here referencing their age. I remember being 20 like it was yesterday and it's frightening how fast time goes... That said, the way society views the ageing process really gets on my wick! Why is it such a bad thing? No one is immune to it - I think it should be celebrated. I'm 34 this year and I'd be a liar if I said I was looking forward to it, but what I love most about growing older is, the older I get, the less I care about the things that would once have kept me up at night! lol! Thank you Janet! xxx
I totally agree with all the confidence tips, but the one that has helped me personally is wearing nice under garments! Even if I’m the only one that can see them, they just lift my confidence to a new level.xx
When I'm feeling less than confident, one of the things that I like to do is call or text my little brother. I'm very lucky that my little and brother and I have the type of relationship where we can basically talk to each other about anything. He is always very supportive and makes me feel much better about myself.
I also do some of the things you mentioned. I will take more time doing my hair or get my nails done. I'll put on an absolutely beautiful outfit. It's kinda like armor
That is so sweet Cat! How lucky you both are to have such a lovely relationship!xx
I also thing of somebody who I am looking up to. Usually somebody fictional. Or I imagine that I'm a really good singer or something hahaha
My best advice is stop caring so much what other people think. Spend time with those who make you happy!
Yes to this Helene!xx
For me when i lack confidence, i always remind myself what i acheived till now, that life is already hard enough to be mean to myself. of course we all have these kind of days when we feel down and without confidence, but keep reminding yourselves ladies how wonderful you are, smile to the mirror ( it seems crazy but it works!) wear your best suit, put that amazing red lipstick and those gorgeous high heels and say to yourself you are beautiful and you are the best!!
Greetings from Luxembourg!
I loved the video and blog post! To me confidence is about measuring up to the self image you would like the world to see of you.
Firstly it’s important that you know who you are and what makes you feel empowered as a women. Physically this could manifest itself by how you choose to present yourself, emotionally by being strong willed and socially by networking with women whom you admire. Inspiration can be gained from this experience and it can help you to grow into yourself, so you can achieve your best version of yourself!
When I lack confidence best thing is to dress up a little and to wear some bright lip color. Also wearing all black outfit somehow makes me feel all powerful.=)
Feeling awkward when complimented is something I constantly (but not always successfully) fight.